Let This Be a Reminder To You

On Monday, October 29, 2007, I posted a blog on myspace. And today, January 25, 2010 I revisited that piece...

Today, like a handful of other days spread throughout a calendar year, I locked eyes with a woman. Usually, no longer than a second, this passing glance lasts. But today it was double that. Today seemed like so much longer than before. These two seconds felt like two minutes' time in the span of four steps. See, these eyes are familiar eyes. These eyes, I recognize. We see each other, exchange the briefest glances and that be all.

Today...

Today, I wanted to stop her and tell her something. Explain myself to her. See...this woman...I had the biggest crush on, back when Henry and I were roommates. I mean...I didn't so much as blink when I saw her. I don't know what exactly she had on me, but she had it – in a lockbox in her pocket…the one that rests on her right hip.

We used to reside on blocks that were in close proximity to one another. Sometimes we'd share a trolley car ride downtown on our way to work. Sometimes, she'd walk on my block right past the entrance to our building. If I was fortunate, I'd spot her while sitting in the bay window taking in the sounds of the melting pot that was my neighborhood. And if I was lucky, I'd be on the front step when she stepped by and shared the same space as me like a new millennium around-the-way-girl.

I used to get lost in her essence. The poetic motion of her walk rendered me speechless. The flow of her hair on a cool summer's day made time stop around her. It's silly to think about it now, but I know how serious it was at the time.

So back to today…

I wanted to stop her. Really, I did.

With politeness and smoothness, I wanted to apologize for the gazes, say sorry for the stares. And with sincerity in my eyes and just a hint of innocence, tell her that I didn't mean any harm from my schoolboy crush on her.

I want to tell her. I always plan to tell her but I can't. A good friend of mine asked me why when I told her the story. I told her that I really didn't know. Up until today, I was chalking up my hesitance to nerves. But that's not what it is. I don't want the fantasy to die, I think. She's been placed in a special location in the recess of my mind. I only visit that spot when I see her. I spend an hour there for about 30 seconds. To talk to her is to chance that she's nothing like what I pretend that she is. That's a chance that I'm not willing to take – not now anyway…and maybe not ever.

[end]

Yo
Just when I think that I forgot you
I hear that song that we used to rock to
Just when I think I'm gettin' on without you
Somebody passed and asked me about you

Was in the back of the cab the other day
Swear to God I saw you walking pass the other way
My heart rushed, my face flushed
Tell the driver hit the breaks slow the pace up
Wait up, it wasn't you
Realized it's a mirage I was running to
Damn. Can the affects of love and time
Cause the mind to trick the eye?
I wonder how you gettin' by
And are the stars still in your eyes
But you still just get the five
You break the bank to spend the time
I reminisce of shifting time, to when you was mine
Mos Def (Reminisce - Bilal featuring Mos Def & Common)

Fast forward nearly 27 months and you'll find me in a Thai spot waiting for my lunch order. I'm engrossed in a gmail conversation and while awaiting a response, I decide to look up from my phone and actually seem normal for a change. And while it feels a little odd at first, my eyes adjust to the light and the stiffness in my neck diminishes quickly.

It's abnormally warm outside today. 60 something degrees to be close to exact. The torrential down pours of the morning have taken a lunch break as well. Most women dressed for what greeted them when they awoke...rain. One woman sashays by the storefront window with the skirt and heels on, calves flexing and all with every step. Damn, spring is going to take it's time returning to these parts. This is just an evil teaser. And one woman earned more than the usual casual glance.

She was across the street, walking that same walk that I wrote about more than two years ago. And in no less than 10 steps, she brought me back and reminded me about romance. She reminded me to savor the possibilities. See, so many times, dudes just want to see it through, sprinting for the finish line. And while there's nothing wrong with that - for the most part, I do think more time has to be spent in the steps. How you feel in between point A and point B. Because that right there is what it's all about. Don't wait until the love strikes to start daydreaming. Being in the like is special too. Trust me.

Our connection lies in a life before
For us to meet again was divine law
So I can't describe how deep I dug her
Now only in memory can I hug her
I reminisce y'all

Common (Reminisce - Bilal featuring Mos Def & Common)

Everything I jot on the left reads right.