Friday, January 23, 2009

Standard Standard

Girl meets boy on Thursday night
Boy was high, girl fly like kite
They hold hands until next day
Boy then lets go, hit his way
Boy rules butt, brags to his boys
Erection brings bad boy joys
Boy thinks of that big fat back
Big black fat love, big black fat
Girl calls boy to stand him up on Saturday

-Q-Tip on Saturday- By De La Soul

Boy is at a club with his comrades. Girl is at a club with her clique. Maybe it’s the same club. Maybe girl sees boy and vice versa. Maybe they dance and make loud talk simultaneously. Or maybe they link up at the bar. Maybe he likes her. And maybe she likes him back. Maybe there’s some serious connectivity happening. Maybe they text their respective entourages that they’ll be leaving the club tout suite. Maybe they arrive somewhere and talk naked.

So now, you might be thinking that this is going to be a blog about the “one night stand”. Like maybe, since I tend to always write about a real life situation, I’m going to tell you a funny story about one that I had in my life. Au contraire, my readers…this is about…

The Morning After…

“I know she think that I just think she some kinda ho. I don't give a shit bout givin’ it up on the first night...that just lettin’ me know. She know what she want outta life...what a hell of a way to goddamn wake up... ooh that shit was good! Ooh maybe she'd get me some breakfast. She so goddamn sweet, sweet as she wanna be... Ooh I just - ooh I wanna lay in her hair. You can't fall for it. Don't fall for it, Ice Cold.

Maybe I’ll just roll over and lay on her booty. Yeah naw naw naw naw, just lay and be cool. Be cool, Ice Cold.


But what if she - what if she - what if she – what…if she's… the one...”

-Andree 3000 on The Morning After, from The Love Below

Now wait. Before you can really finish that thought, in comes the twist. See, the other night, my satellite television was tuned into Damages. I couldn’t really tell you how it was because I wasn’t really watching and really only half listening. I did see, however, the part where boy and girl had got their busy on and the next morning, she was up and at ‘em…while he sat there in the bed thinking to himself, “Yeah, that was nice” when she yanked him out his daydream and said, “Don’t be here when I get back”. I was like, “Damn”, smiled and finished with a “That’s so sexy.” I’m not even gonna hold you…I wouldn’t mind being told that. Not in the least. I, for one, think it’s badass. My feelings would not be hurt in the least. Yeah, sure I can do some inward reflecting to pinpoint why I find this to be so but instead, I’m going to give you generic guy reasons.

1) It eliminates that “morning after awkwardness”. No need to lie and say, “I’ll call you” when maybe…just maybe you’re not. Come come now. We’ve all watched enough movies and shows to know that maybe there’s going to be some regret involved. If not that, then maybe some embarrassment will rear its ugly head. And more times than not…a great deal of all this rests solely on the shoulders of the first sentence or two uttered from dude’s mouth.

2) It’s power…taking control when it’s not expected. I.E. a turn-on. Remember Robin Givens in Boomerang? Yeah, like that sexy. Just her part, though. Not Eddie Murphy’s. That scene was the perfect example of a role reversal if there ever was one.

3) It’s what he would have done…but couldn’t…because if he did, he’d be called all types of names. Names that would be preceded by all types of profanity.

So now, we have a situation that’s okay for women but not okay for men. And I’m fine with it. You’ll never hear me or hear about me uttering those seven words to a woman on my way out the door. But the next time you all bring up a tables-turned-type-scenario (Ironically, there’s not one that I can think of. Go figure), best be-lieve I am going to milk the hell out of this one right here….because honestly, it’s the only one I got.

But I’m thinking…