Yeah, you read the title right. I said it. I'm not taking it back either. I will add a word, however…to the beginning…"Some". Some Women are the Worst.
I'm sitting upstairs in the lunch room at work and two young women walk in with their food in hand. Before they can even sit down, one is in dilemma mode. I can tell from her tone that it's most likely about a guy.
"He says he needs a break."
Yup. I knew it. Boyfriend troubles.
"I asked him how after two years, can he just stop like that all of a sudden. He says that we're getting too serious too fast."
She continues while her girlfriend listens and almost on cue, gives her two cents. Negative cents, I might add. Here I am thinking to myself that not once did she ask for her opinion. From my vantage point, she's getting things off her chest. From what I'm hearing, she's telling a friend about her problem. Instead of getting an open ear, she gets a closed mind. As a result of having her own heart broken or being without love at the moment or unable to let go of the smallest issues and holding grudges for an irrational amount of time or just being an overall bitter person, this woman might make a bad decision and lose what she spent two years building.
Ladies, if you're having issues with your man or a man, don't talk to your "men are dogs" girlfriend (You know the type, too critical of men…can't keep a man…always saying something negative more than she's saying something positive about him – girlfriend). Go talk to your Mrs. girlfriend (You know, happily married) or "me and my man communicate and we're happy together" girlfriend. Or even a dude. Yes, your male friend. Not the dude that's a man whore. And not the dude that has a secret crush on you (Don't act like you don't know he has one. This isn't one of those cheesy love movies). Instead, ask the genuine friend, the one that wants you to be happy because he knows you and knows you deserve it. Why? Because we generally don't want to get involved in your beefs and drama and matters of the heart. We'll always listen but for the most part, we won't give you our opinion unless you ask. Also, you'll get a better idea of what might be going through a man's mind from another man since we are men. It comes natural to us. Really.
Now for the difficult part…break FREE of the Negative Nancy's in your tight circle. The longer they carry that negativity, the stronger their will is imposed on you and anyone else that doesn't want to be alone and single. I'm not saying to cut her off - just her mental hold. Give me 5 minutes past the initial greeting and I'll tell you who she is. For example, if I run into a woman and she's with her girlfriends and I'm introduced to them for the first time there's no need whatsoever for me to have any of that nastiness or rudeness directed towards me unless I've done something despicable or deplorable towards her. What's funny [read: sad] is that she'll dismiss her behavior as diva-like or something along those lines. News flash: I haven't met a dude yet that's looking for that trait in a woman. Let's be clear, I'm not a happy-go-lucky type of guy but I've never shown attitude to any woman I've never met before. I'm too mature to not be above that. So ask yourself if you recall her ever telling you to give someone the benefit of the doubt or giving you thought out constructive criticism. If not, then she's not in your corner. She's just trying to keep you in hers.
Think about it.
6 comments:
I had a crew of chicks I used to roll with who were Negative Nancys and I had to cut them off completely. It got to the point where they talked so bad about men that it hurt MY feelings. So I agree with what you said and for me a guy friend always gives the best advice.
double thanks. one for commenting and the other for agreeing. haha. but seriously, from my observations, i've noticed that a good number of women either don't realize what's happening or DO and do nothing about it. it's scary.
LOL. Yeah. I stopped hanging around THIS type. But we used to have a ring leader. She was miserable and wanted the rest of us to be miserable too. I never agreed but mostly tried to lend my support. When I did share something whether good or bad, her responses would be extreme. If I didnt share, she'd come to negative conclusions. Like she'd ask you talk to SO & SO. I'd be like Naw. Then she'd just run with it. Having him in all kinds of situations or up to no good. All of course based on her history. Misery loves company. That angry black woman mob crap is so lame!! If we want black love from men...we gotta give it back. And if you are miserable in your relationship, get the hell out of it!
so far, what i'm hearing is that you were all fortunate enough to recognize the problem and do something about it. unfortunately, this isn't the norm.
I talk to a few of my friends about this type of crap all of the time. Sometimes you just want to talk. IF you wanted advice, you'd ask, right?
I only ask for advice from one of my closest male friends. He keeps it so real and honest and is usually right. When you think about it, it isn't really smart to go to a female to try to figure out what a guy is thinking or doing, anyway lol
You're right on that, Suga. (Sidebar: It feels a bit funky (good funky) calling you Suga. I feel like Martin Lawrence in Big Momma. LOL.)
Sometimes, I really understand why women have more genuine male friends than women friends in general.
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